Marla is a relationship and intimacy expert who specializes in coaching entrepreneurial couples using a non-traditional approach. She teaches couples how to uncover hidden patterns in their relationships and business through neuroscience and mathematics. Over the course of 20 years, she has helped more than 12,000 couples including academy award winners, coaches, NBA players, Emmy award winning artists and millionaire entrepreneurs. Marla works with her love life and partner Julian Colker.
Marla always feels the need to be in control. Her partner Julian acknowledges that fact and assures her not to worry and that he has everything in control. This allows Marla to relax into the space. She is then able to focus and to generate the required energy to go on TV and knock it off the park.
2. Work on Relationships
Relationships that are based in growth and becoming the best version of yourself need work. Opening one heart is something a person chooses especially after being hurt before. It is work to stay open regardless whether one is single or in a relationship. This requires the highest degree of integrity and excellence. People should use every single conflict as a way to connect deeper. Every interaction that is challenging should be an opportunity to know one's self better. Relationships are the vehicles of personal individual growth.
3. Defining Intimacy
When people like posts on social media, that’s not intimacy. An intimacy exchange is when a person shares and comments on your material. Engaging in the works is a form of intimacy. When in a relationship, intimacy refers to sharing the truth and experience of how one feels. Sharing the truth in service of something greater and being able to receive the same is intimacy.
4. Understand your Relationship
The relationships that you have should either energize or uplift you. If they don’t then you have to try to change that by providing feedback to the person you are in a relationship with. This is all in a bid to change the relationship to an uplifting one. If that person is not open to feedback then you can decide to accept them as they are or cut them off. One needs to clearly understand the quality of the connection by being self-honest before making the decision to maintain or keep a relationship. This requires courage to speak the truth and listen to the truth.
5. Personal Responsibility for your Feelings
This means understanding how you feel and being able to openly talk about it to anyone you are in a relationship with. This is healthy for any relationship especially if posed as question. One should pose the question in a way that it tells the other partner how he or she is feeling.
6. Best Friend Bond
Every relationship has its ups and downs and if people in a relationship do not create a best friend bond with their partner then those downs will feel very isolating. They may even make couples feel separate from each other. Having a best friend bond with each other means that there are new experiences and curiosity within the relationship. There are no room for assumptions in that relationship. A research done in the UK says that if an individual has that best friend connection with their lover then that person gets twice as much satisfaction. One has also to be careful not to lose the passion and polarity in their relationship when creating that best friend bond. To keep that polarizing energy one has to be willing to speak the truth at all times.
7. Receive Feedback with Love
People should accept that all feedback with love whether it is positive or negative. Sarah Silverman, a comedian by profession, was called a cunt by a social media user back in 2017. Rather than block him, reply with her own equally negative words or even just ignore him, Silverman stayed true to her word and decided to engage with the user and find out just what was making him so angry. She responded with kindness and ended up helping the Twitter user. Any person who intends to go big whether in business or in life should be open to feedback especially negative feedback.
8. Set Clear Boundaries
People in any form of relationships need to be self-aware to know their own boundaries and discernment. This includes speaking to friends and telling them the truth about how you are experiencing them and what is happening in your life. This requires being unapologetically honest regardless of what the other person may feel or how they may react. A technique Marla uses with her partner is redo. In this technique, you ask your friend or partner to redo something you were not comfortable with. When you redo a scenario in real time, it rewires one's neurological connections.
9. Apply the Receiving Game
This helps one to know how open they are to receive. It involves answering four questions. The first question is how open an individual is to receive in the moment. With that question a person checks with himself to know how much percentage of a capacity he or she can receive at that moment. The second question is how much an individual can receive. This includes the good, the bad and the ugly. The third question is how open an individual is to receive the good, bad or ugly and how quickly an individual can receive that information. The last question is how easy an individual can allow the receiving to be. Receiving should be 3 dimensional and multi-dimensional. Feeling love and surplus enables one to genuinely share in one direction without any expectation of receiving from the other end.
10. Determine your Bandwidth
This a tool which anyone can use to determine whether their partner or friend is available. It is basically taking a number from a scale of 1 to 10 to assign how available one is. 10 means one is fully open, in a great space and can hear anything. On the extreme end, 1 means that a partner is not in the right head space to listen to anything. One can track the bandwidth such that incase it drops, the conversation can be paused to a later time.
11. Daily routines
The first thing Marla does when she wakes is she put her hand on her heart and belly and says a gratitude prayer for being alive. After that she turns and sees her partner and she snuggles up to him. They then do a meditation with her partner to set the day and then spend 15 minutes in a check-in meeting to go through their to-do lists and pass through their logistics. She also does physical exercise in the morning.
Fulfillment to Marla is living the life that God gave her, being who she is unapologetically in the world, free from shame, free from guilt, free from any kind of negativity and sharing her gifts with the world. She accepts and understands her short comings. When she lives in freedom, she becomes 100% herself and she can then share the biggest vision she has for the world.
Connect with Marla Mattenson