I'm really excited to share my next conversation with you. This is a REAL TALK and I've got to give you a disclaimer here. This is between myself and Jolynn Swafford - a dear friend of mine, but this is two adults having a very adult conversation, which is best listened to away from younger ears. We cover some really intense material. It's super important to share and I know that it will be very healing and liberating for SO many. Please meet my dear friend - Jolynn Swafford.
Jolynn Swafford is an award-winning global Sales Jedi turned success coach, speaker and the leader of rockstar masterminds. She's a mom, a wife and a natural born encourager.
Time Stamped Notes
[4:04] Jolynn is moving to the west side of Los Angeles from Texas. Her ideal path is to work with influencers and celebrities to not just make her mark but help them make their mark as well. She has travelled all over and has felt this energetic pull telling her that she was at home. That this was where she was at her best and where she was happy to be.
[5:39] Jolynn believes that mindset is kind of a journey. Someone can decide that they are going to grow and they can have this kindergarten mindset which is very elementary and simple and to the point. As you grow more and get more mature and closer to enlightenment, then the mindset is a little bit more obscure and complex. Jolynn's shift started on the mantra of "I have complete control over my mind and body." She got this mantra from her first Tony Robbins event, Unleash the Power Within.
While she was there she had a moment where she decided she was no longer going to have anxiety, depression and that she was no longer going to have to eat Ben & Jerry's as it has become an addiction after she quit drinking alcohol. As a result of her mindset change, Jolynn was able to lose 25 pounds and she quit taking Paxil, an anxiety medication.
[9:28] Jolynn has been sober for over four years. She used to drink 750 milliliters of Cîroc vodka at night. She then found that Ben & Jerry's was always available and it was awesome. She eventually replaced her alcohol addiction with sugar. Jolynn has always had anxiety from the time she was a little girl. She admits that her anxiety could be as a result of her desire to constantly please. Jolynn underwent a trauma when she was 14 years old and this caused her to start drinking excessively. Her parents always had a stocked bar and she could always sneak in and have a beer.
[13:40] When Jolynn quit taking alcohol, she had to learn a new social lifestyle. Initially, she would just keep to herself. She stayed in her safe place. She started to do different things like go camping and spend more time in nature and now could spend more time with their children. She is now in a community of people who don’t drink and she is loving it. Before, she felt like an outcast but now she feels normal.
[19:11] When Jolynn was 14 years old, she joined a new school. One night she snuck out of the house to attend a party. At this party, boys from a different high school gang-raped her. She completely blocked this horrific incident out of her mind until she was 28 years old. Every physical aspect of what had happened just came flooding back to her. She went to therapists who told her that the only way she could have suppressed it for that long was if she had been drugged. This explained a lot of things in her life like why she struggled with intimacy with her husband.
[24:53] Jolynn blames, in a great way, her trauma for her achievements. All of her achieving was because in her mind she thought, "If I'm just a few steps ahead, then I can't get hurt" or "If I'm better than those guys who did that to me, then I'm safe from them and they can't come get me again." Jolynn was always in pain while she was drinking. During her journey of being sober and falling in love with herself, she started to become more aware of her divine power. All those years she had felt that those boys had had control over her. Something one day just clicked and she realized that she's had power over them this whole time.
Jolynn thought that the boys who had raped her had control over her because they could expose her at any time. She eventually realized that they've probably been worried that she was going to surface on them all these years. At one point she recognized that she didn’t want anyone to be afraid of her because that's not just who she was. She's love, she's joy and she's gratitude. She then found the guys who had raped her and emailed them at their workplaces and forgave them. Jolynn felt like they all needed to be released from it. It wasn’t serving her any good holding onto it.
[32:19] Jolynn was invited to Date with Destiny, an event organized by Tony Robbins, and she had to share a breakthrough. While there, she was working on questions like, what is your relationship now? What have you not been doing? What can you do better? She thought she had this thing figured out because she thought she had a great marriage. As Tony kept pushing them, at one point she just let go of her ego and she just started writing fast. She wrote about God's glory and love for her.
Her breakthrough was that she had forgiven all these people but she hadn’t forgiven herself. She realized that when she became intimate with her husband, she would replay that story of her rape because she wasn’t completely healed. She wasn’t fully present and she just couldn’t enjoy herself. She thought to herself that she is married to this amazing man who loves her so much and she was giving him that. She saw like God looking at her husband and saying that He put her on this planet to love him and there she was letting those jerks destroy the beauty that He had put her here for. God kept telling her that she was here for her husband and he needs to feel the love that she has inside of her every minute.
[37:51] This is when Jolynn decided that she had to completely delete this story. She was able to finally be free. The worst part was it wasn’t the guys holding her captive, she was holding herself captive. Jolynn also learnt in the seminar that her traumatic story always made her feel unique and special.
She was always certain that if she replayed that movie in her head, she could get to a place of pain. This was like her emotion check to see if she had pain and if she could feel pain. Jolynn realized that her mind had held onto her traumatic experience as an excuse for failure. She would think that the event caused her to be an alcoholic and have anxiety and so she couldn’t operate at the higher level that everyone else could.
[42:05] Jolynn's mindset shift started when she deleted the story. There was crying in Jolynn's heart because she didn’t want to let go of her traumatic story because it was part of her life. Jolynn's next mindset is just truth. To always stand in her truth and to always be honest with herself. She realizes that having complete honesty to herself has enabled her to be where she is right now. She continues to encourage other people because she has done it.
[46:14] Everyday Jolynn always makes sure that she connects to God, her Creator. This is where she gets all of her energy. She believes that we are all created in the image of God and when we connect to God or our creator, then we get a better view into our heart and to who we are and why we're here. The feelings of shame and guilt and rejection and fear don’t come up when you're connected to God.
[49:20] Jolynn's breakthrough brought her closer to her husband. Her husband is now even more present. Another part of Jolynn's wish was that she wanted to have a better relationship with her children. Her kids, from two divorced families, are like they don’t want to get married until they're like 30 or 40 and that they don’t want to have kids till late in life. Jolynn just thinks they haven’t been very inspiring. Now she feels like they can do that because they are whole now.
[54:54] Jolynn is a big fan of content. She thinks that people out there are looking for people that they can relate to. One of the keys to Jolynn's success is that people feel that they already know her before they even get on the phone because she is her true and authentic self. People aspiring to start coaching careers should be themselves, create videos and should just add value where they can.
[56:40] Jolynn has her own unique definition of billionaire status. She defines a billionaire as someone that has impacted a billion lives. Success for Jolynn is to be a billionaire in this way. To just be able to transform the lives of a billion people.
Connect with Jolynn Swafford
www.jolynnswafford.com – Personal website
@jolynnswafford – Instagram
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