Jocelyn Kuhn is a professional coach, speaker and author with a wealth of experience helping people thrive through life's most challenging moments. Having been through some pretty significant transitions herself, death, divorce, career transitions, blending a family and more, she feels passionate about helping others through, what can be, very scary times. As a coach she helps clients to clearly define new and exciting goals and dreams, reframe their story so that it empowers them, and create actionable steps towards achieving goals and overcoming obstacles. She studied effective transitions at length and is excited to share her five-step process to thrive through any transition a person may be facing.
The first step to thriving through a transition is the grieving process. The foundation is starting with moving through the grieving process. Grief is just the natural response you may have to losing someone or something important. A couple of emotions that you may experience is sadness or loneliness.
2.Reframing the Loss
This is making sure that you go through the experience of turning a negative into a positive. You need to see the positive aspects of your story and begin, even if it's just a seed, just beginning to reframe that story so that it empowers you. One of the thoughts Jocelyn had about her dad's death was that she would never heal from it and that it was the worst thing that ever happened to her. Moving through the process of reframing, she started to look at how she had more strength because she was able to empathize with other people who are going through this difficult time in their life. Because of this strength, Jocelyn was able to be there for her husband when his mom passed away. Jocelyn has been able to develop herself much more spiritually because of her dad’s passing. So Jocelyn was able to look for small positive aspects from her loss. When someone gets divorced, it can be terrible, scary, and hard. It can make some hate men for the rest of their life or they can go, "Well, this relationship really taught me a lot about who I want to attract into my life the next time around." It’s all about turning negatives into positives.
3.Getting Centered in the Present
In her book, Jocelyn talks about different tools and techniques that people can used to get centered in the present when going through transitions. She talks a lot of breathing exercises. There's different breathing exercises that you can do when you're feeling anxious, when you need energy, or when you want to just calm down and go to sleep. There's various breathing patterns that you can do. Jocelyn also believes that getting out and exploring nature is another way to get more centered in the present. Getting centered in the present is such a critical tool to our success and overall well-being in life. So it's not just about transitions. All we have is the present moment. We like to fantasize about the future and memories of the past. we try to remember the things that we want to remember about in the past, but the only moment that's truly here is the present moment. Therefore, Jocelyn talks about meditation and exercise as tools on how to get more present.
4. Creating a New and Exciting Vision for Your Life
Jocelyn realized that she gave up a lot when she was grieving. She gave up a lot of free time, she gave up drinking, going out , and partying with friends. After you have grieved, you will need to replace the habits you have given up with other healthier habits or just using your time somewhere that makes you feel alive and excited. Jocelyn believes that this is such a huge part of any transition. You need that thing that you're going to say, "Yes, I'm so excited about this that I don’t care that I'm losing sleep, I don’t care that I didn’t eat, I don’t care that I don’t get to go out with my friends, I want to find this." Until you find this, it can be really hard to make this transition.
So many people also don’t define what that looks like for them. It's easy to feel unmotivated and not pulled toward anything because you don’t know what that is, you're just existing. One of the biggest gifts we can give our self is to really clearly define what we want out of life. So the big question is, how to create new and exciting version of our life especially when going through transitions we don’t want.
5. Take Intentional Action
Jocelyn was initially terrified when she was about to soft launch her book. From this experience she realized that when you create something, you're putting a piece of yourself out into the world and it's vulnerable and it feels very scary. There's always going to be people who are going to say horrible things about you for no reason other than wanting to break you down. Jocelyn got through her fear by taking action. She believes that the difference between people who are successful and those who aren’t is taking action. We all experience fear in what we do. It's just some people still do it and other people will sit there and wait.
Jocelyn knows that in her quest to take intentional action she has had to redefine her goals. Jocelyn's original life goal was that she wanted to be married for 55 years. Divorce was not a part of this equation. So sometimes we have to adjust our game plan. So many times people get stuck on this idea that, "Well, that didn’t work out so now, I'm not going to try anymore." Life is going to be messy, life is going to be hard and complicated and things are not always going to go the way that we plan them, but that's okay. We can still keep redefining what that best life that we can live from this day forward looks like.
6. Have a Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is so important when you're going through a significant transition. Unfortunately, most people operate from a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is constantly blaming others and constantly thinking that it's not your fault. It's thinking that life is happening to you. A fixed mindset is really rooted in the belief that you have no control over anything and it's everyone else that's done something to you or it's the world's fault for giving you a bad hand. On the other hand, a growth mindset is really focused on how you can do better or how you can change things or how you can do things differently next time. It is about how the world is happening for you. A growth mindset sees everything as an opportunity and as a way to take responsibility, or celebrate the fact that they've had success or make changes and know that the changes that they're making are impacting their life from that moment forward. Therefore, the least painful way to get through transitions in life is by adopting a growth mindset.
7. Daily Routines and Rituals
Jocelyn starts her day with meditating. She looks at her vision board and she really tries to put herself in the space of being able to have that question in the back of her mind of how she can be truly helpful in that day. She always tries to stay present and open to receiving whatever God wants to give her that day. She just starts her day with the right intention that can make the biggest difference in the world.
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success - Carol Dweck
On Death and Dying - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
The Hero's Journey - Joseph Campbell
Connect with Jocelyn