Christine Hassler is the best-selling author of three books, most recently Expectation Hangover: Free Yourself from Your Past, Change Your Present and Get What You Really Want. She left her successful job as a Hollywood agent to pursue a life she could be passionate about. For over a decade she has been a keynote speaker, retreat facilitator, spiritual psychologist and life coach and the host of the top rated podcast Over it and On with it. Christine believes that once we get out of our own way, we can show up to make the most meaningful impact that we're truly here to make. Today, Christine leads seminars and workshops to audiences around the country and the world. She's spoken to over 100,000 people at colleges, personal growth events, conferences and corporations. In this episode, Christine talks about some of the mindset tools and techniques that have transformed her life.
1. Defining Masculinity and Femininity
Christine believes that it is time for masculinity and femininity to be defined in a new way. She found that as a successful and ambitious woman, she was told so much that what she was doing was too masculine and that was why she didn’t have any man. Many women get this advice despite the fact that they love their careers and those particular aspect of themselves. Part of getting in your femininity is getting in our bodies, getting in our pleasure and getting in our sensuality. So a lot of women think, in order to be femininity, I need to not lead. Christine advises women to stop thinking about what they need to stop doing and to start thinking about what they need to start doing or what you desire to start doing.
Christine started to get more into her pleasure and her desire. She had to not be result driven which was a very masculine approach to self-pleasure. She took herself on a date where she would light candles for herself and put on music and take a bath and put on a night gown that felt really good or lingerie. She took this time to find all the ways that she found pleasure. Not just sexually but in eating a piece of chocolate. She just slowed down and she enjoyed her body more in all aspects. All this really helped Christine lean more into her feminine energy. The inner conflict of, do I need to work less, do I need to not make decisions, do I need to be less driven, went away and her business started to become successful not because she was not trying to be masculine but because she was really more embodied as a woman.
2. Girl’s Night
Another way Christine would tap into her femininity was being more physical with her girlfriends when they would go for girl's night. She could be more physical with them by giving them hugs or sitting closer together or even stroking their arms, just like little girls would do when they are playing. So many women try to feminine by deflating their masculine. Stop trying to be man and just be more of a woman. Christine loves her masculine side but she has noticed that initially, she didn’t trust her feminine side as much as she does now. She didn’t trust that she could really surrender and let go.
3. Feminine is Discerning
The masculine makes decisions and the feminine is in the flow. A lot of women will therefore wonder how they will get stuff done if they're just flowing through life. Christine disagrees with this view that masculine makes decisions and feminism flows. She believes flow state is feminine but this is not the polarity of making decisions. The feminine expression of decisiveness is discernment. It just comes from a different place. The masculine energy makes decisions from an external orientation. It evaluates the options and it makes irrational choices. Feminine is just as decisive but it's from a place of intuition and discernment. So if women can orient themselves to how powerful the feminine really is and how strong the feminine is, it's not just this flowy, creative thing, it's also incredibly powerful and discerning and we can really trust it.
4. Surrender More
Christine got kicked out of the home she was living in, her dream home. So physically she was not strong and she was just being kicked out of her little cocoon for all the troubles she was going through. Intuitively she heard the universe tell her to surrender more. Surrender for her looked like not signing a lease. She therefore decided to go with the flow and see where she was led. For Christine, this was a massive process of letting go off control. Initially she wanted a conscious man and a masculine man. However, Christine had a limiting belief that she could either have a conscious man who was maybe a little feminine or maybe he could have a super alfa man but who wasn’t as conscious. Christine actually wanted both. So she had to learn to let go off control and practice what it feels like to be led in a really healthy way by being led by the universe.
5. Developing a Healthy Sexuality
There are several steps people can follow to develop a healthy sexuality. First you need to look at what makes you uncomfortable. Be honest with yourself about where sexuality, your body makes you uncomfortable. Where's the shame? The truth is most people have some body or sexual shaming. Backtrack and look at the development of your sexuality. What was puberty like for you? What was your first sexual experience for you? What do you believe about your body? We all have a story about our own sexuality that's truly just a story. So just look at your story and know it's a story and have so much compassion.
The second step in developing a healthy sexuality is stop blaming. Don’t blame your husband or your partner because all that's going to do is just create more resistance and this will prevent intimacy. Instead of blaming anyone else, start to reconnect to yourself. Then go back to pleasure. Christine believes that the reason so many women feel sexually unfulfilled is because they put themselves last and they're not in their bodies, they're in their heads.
Then look for something as it relates to your sexuality that's a little bit of a stretch but not too scary. Maybe start with a massage from someone that's the opposite sex or doing pole dancing or belly dancing. Just anything that's getting you back in your body. Also learn to slow down by doing breath work and yoga. All these will help you come back into yourself and looking for anything out there to change it for you.
6. Are you ready?
Christine knew that she was ready for her man when she felt this longing with no suffering. She felt surrendered to the universe and she was open to whoever was for her highest good. She tore up her lists and her vision boards and she completely surrendered this. She chose to stand in her values and what's true for her and her desires and she was going to let it show up. She would stop swiping and reading dating advice and she was going to allow it to happen. Christine understood that she wanted to feel seen and to feel safe. She started to really see herself fully.
7. Rituals and Routines
Christine starts her day with her own morning meditation practice. She also has her own time with her friends and her coaches and her healers. She knows it is important to have external support and not to rely on her partner as her sole source of pleasure. Christine continues to enjoy her body on her own. She does the same things she has always done. It's just that some of them she shares with her partner. For example, she connects to her body by touching her own body. Just doing things that bring her pleasure like taking a shower or wearing things that feel good to her.
Fulfillment for Christine is living in total freedom to express and be who you truly are. The main reason that we don’t feel fulfilled is because we're wearing masks. We're not taking the risks and having the courage to live into our full potential so we feel like something's missing because we aren’t living into our fullest expression. We know that there's more to this body and this life and this mind and the emotions. We know as human beings how optimized we can be and how much pleasure and joy and impact we can create. So fulfillment is just the total acceptance of that and giving yourself the freedom to really go for it.
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